I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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