Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
this will be a night to untag.
ttyl tear gas
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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