they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I wear drunk well.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
