she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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