somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i was born a porn star she said
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
