if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Randomize
