We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I hate all girls vehemently.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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