My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
cat food counts as protein by the way
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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