so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
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