I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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