god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Randomize
