Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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