you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize