I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
