i just identified you from a description of your pipe
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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