Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
