I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
