her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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