sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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