I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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