A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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