naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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