you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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