we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
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