so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
so much tequila, so little girl.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
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