gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I still have a little drunk in my system
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
