I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
This is the high leading the old right now
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
