First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
