I wish I could punch you in the face.
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
