worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
