I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
