How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
