Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
