Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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