you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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