We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
