i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
