Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
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