What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i came on her dog
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
