Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
