I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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