i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
