I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
