you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
