I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
