Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize