I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
