Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
