I only kidnapped one of them. chill
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Randomize
