Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
