I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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