what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
