i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
