If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
how drunk are you?
Several
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
