He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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