best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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