apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
