is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
