it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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