he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
