she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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