Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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