don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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