Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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