laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
