as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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