you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
