i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
