Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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