I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
