This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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