It's like God shit irony all over that family
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize