I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
He felt like a one man threesome
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
