New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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