community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Randomize