My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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