u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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