We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
