so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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